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[Saturday
August 25th, 2007] |
this summer fucking sucked.
i mean, maybe i shouldn't have had high expectations because last summer was so good.
but at least this summer could have been a LITTLE better than it was.
i don't feel like i did ANYTHING.
we didn't go to michigan, after planning for like 2 fucking weeks and taking a shitload of time to get DUMBASS PLANE TICKETS. and we didn't even get to fucking go.
the only person that made anything good was kevin, and now he's gone. the only good thing is gone.
i'm trying to learn how to deal with it, but it's so hard. and none of my friends get it at all. they usually don't. like there's going to be times i can't see him for 2 weeks. how am i supposed to do that? i am going to die. i'm trying to be okay for him, but i don't know how it's going to happen. i hate change. it's going to take a lot to adjust.
why did it have to go so fast?
i mean i turned sixteen, and there were a few other good things but not enough to make a great summer, let alone a pretty good one.
now i only have one day of summer left, and i feel like shit.
i am pathetic and testy lately and all i do is cry.
SUMMER IS NOT FOR FUCKING CRYING
i just want to get this over with.
i cannot go to school.
I CAN'T DO ITTTT
i'd rather be here than there. i am not going to survive junior year, especially with this stupid summer behind me.
fuck all of this.
i'm just in a terrible mood.
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[Friday
July 27th, 2007] |
no one even reads this but oh well. i guess that's a good thing.
today i feel...weird.
like i'm irritating. or a big baby. or something.
i don't know, it sucks.
like crying for no reason. i don't even want to draw any attention to it.
i'm scared to fucking death of you leaving.
i'm so scared.
i keep pushing it away.
i feel so annoying. not good enough. too whiny or something.
and fat and ugly and unlovable. mnklfeh6yh?
fuck, i'll probably delete this.
because this sounds annoying too.
=[
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[Saturday
June 23rd, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 good |
] |
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music |
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hey there delilah; plain white t's. |
] |
this has been an interesting summer so far.
i'd like it to improve a bit though.
tonight was good. my friends need to stop being dumb & going away.
michigan next week, i hope it will be fun.
fuck you stupid wallabee.
i busted my ass getting those stupid plane tickets, so it better be worth it.
that's probably why i was pissed for awhile, considering my parents made it into a year ordeal.
but it's okay now.
michelle never answers her phone, it makes me want to murder her.
i miss my baby =[
it seems like everyday is an entire week that he's gone.
i'm counting down the days until he gets home.
i miss you sweetheart, loveee you.
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[Tuesday
June 5th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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I'm Lost Without You; Blink-182 |
] |
today was so happy.
i've always wanted to kiss in the pouring rain.
& it happened today.
it was so good.
probably better than i thought it would be.
everytime i think about it i get really, really happy.
it's so romantic
=]
then we kissed in the hot shower
and then slept for hours.
i love you.
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[Monday
May 14th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired but content. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Teleport: A & B; The Spill Canvas. |
] |
so may 7th sucked.
stupid people, stupid thing to do, stupid.
it should have been spectacular like the past three years but oh well. it's over now i guess.
i didn't like how the year was ending. i was stressed out but now i think i'm okay.
i hope it gets better. i love spring.
i need to get a bathing suit.
there's a boy.
who i love more than anything.
& i don't think he knows how much he means to me.
i miss him every second i'm not with him.
never knew what this was like before.
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[Monday
April 16th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
this week will go by fast, i have a lot to do.
but i still can't wait to leave.
i'm sick of everyone & everything & this weather.
i just want to leave for a few days.
i'm kind of excited, i think it might be swell.
it's not as bad as i'm making it out to be
but a break would be nice.
i'm not really going to miss anything.
except him.
i just want nice weather
and not to be so randomly sick of things.
oh well
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| spreak =] |
[Sunday
April 8th, 2007] |
spreak is/was quite good.
went to the hush sound, frostys.
park, ritas, waterworks.
cuddled a lot, painted my room blue with kevin & watched happy feet =]
fuck the stupid snow on spreak.
yesterday we went to bowwow's flowow's!!
sadly he was not there, but i stole a picture of him
which made it worth it.
one day we will see him haaa
slept over becki's with tub, cherry pepsi and pete&pete is good.
ILYSPREAK
fuck, school's going to be hell.
worst week ever following a great one.
i love you<3
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| good day =] |
[Tuesday
March 13th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
i am in love.
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[Friday
February 23rd, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
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City of Delusion [Muse] |
] |
i hardly ever write in this thing when i'm happy anymore.
it's always just when i'm pissed off.
which has been a lot recently.
again, i fucking HATE my dad.
he's an inconsiderate asshole who thinks he's the fucking shit.
i honestly want to beat the shit out of him.
but if i even dared
he'd beat the fuck out of me. & i'm not joking.
he's the biggest PRICK i've ever met.
i can't wait for this weekend to be over.
i'm not going to survive it with the joke of a family i have.
FUCKKKKK
fuck my dad. i wish he went away on some trip.
like a business man.
never home.
it would be so good.
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[Monday
February 19th, 2007] |
no one fucking gets it.
i don't care if you read this and know it's about you.
at least i can say something to you & not have you be stupid back.
you're the biggest fucking liar i've ever met. you're supposed to be my best friend, yet you've been lying to my face for months.
you're not supposed to FUCKING ACT LIKE THAT
im so sick of people trying to take you're fucking side. bullshit. you're being such a bitch.
& everytime i try to ask you about something serious you fucking AVOID it.
and you never see my sides of things.
only yours and your stupid fucking friends.
i don't care if im JUDGING your friends. i've seen enough to know i don't like them.
so fuck off.
at least be a little more UNDERSTANDING
everything i say to you you get way too fucking defensive.
i'm sick of pretending to like your friends so you won't get mad.
and if i don't tell you, you ask why i didn't. and when i do tell you, you say im being fucking JUDGEMENTAL
judgemental my FUCKING ASS. you're the judgemental one. so shut up.
if you hate when people are mad at you
fucking fix this.
now.
IT'S NOTTTT THAT HARDDDD
not intentionally trying to hurt your feelings, but i mean what i'm saying.
and you can't fucking face the truth.
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| gah |
[Sunday
February 11th, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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Dutch Courage [The Spill Canvas] |
] |
so. this weekend was actually good. minus the part that my dads a fucktard.
friday was just funny. i dont know why, but things randomly got ten times funnier. melting pot with richard. i think its because of becki and the lemon pictures haaha. and my gramma randomly gave me 120 bucks! wahoo =]
i need new clothes.
so that's what i'm gonna do.
emily's a bitch, she stole my coke when we slept over tub's. i threw tape at her.
and we watched peter pan, it was so good.
i also enjoyed coloring in tory's cinderella coloring books. then in the morning tory & i made french toast and kevin picked me up.
i spent a lovely day with him. once again i was thrown in the shower. and we had a good nap. then we went out to dinner.
then i came home like 5 minutes late, big fuckinggg deal.
I HATE MY DAD M,NJTRDNJTRDJHTR
i've said it like a million times but i don't care.
is it possible to hate your parent this much? idk i've never really liked my dad all that much from what i can remember.
i was always a mommy's girl.
i feel bad for being mean but then i realize why i am again.
fuckkk him and trying to make up gay shit to GET ME IN TROUBLEEEE
i wanna punch him in the face. fuck. someone's gonna find this lj one day and think im psycho.
my dad acts like im fucking five. i cant stand him.
today when he said, "good, i thought youd see it my way." it took everything in me to not fucking kick him in his face.
i'm trying to get my mom to fix it.
for now, i refuse to talk to that bastard.
goodbye.
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| NJTRHUREI |
[Tuesday
February 6th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
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| [ |
music |
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lillian [+44] |
] |
what the fuck.
i need to talk about some things.
why do you think i'm stupid? WE'RE STUPID? we know you best out of everyone, fuck. it's too late for you to hide stuff from us. we know you better then you know your fucking self. i bet you tell all of our secrets to your friends. like, "HEYY, LISTEN TO WHAT SAM TOLD ME! its the dumbest thing ive ever heard!" i bet you make us look fucking stupid. like a bunch of moms or something. you don't even try to talk anymore. i always want to tell you stuff, i still feel the need to. and i do sometimes. but i feel like you don't listen.
FUCKKKKKKGKJRIYJR FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING LIARRRR!!!
GOFDSJFYI
whatever, honestly.
i feel like talking about friday. went to tory's after school with becki. it was swell, we watched the oc and chilled. it was emotional. tory predicted bullit was going to bury everyone after an earthquake ahaaa. then we got wild, and geared up for sled riding. emily arrived, and we went to becki's to get the fucking toboggan. and she had a temper tantrum HAAHAA michelle tanner. then richard drove us to hartwood acres. sled riding was the most fun i've had in awhile. like dinner and movies gets boring after awhile. i honestly pissed my pants, i couldnt stop laughing. emily was a ninja, becki got stuck on a fence, tory went down HAHAA. then we screamed about everyone we hate and why. it made me feel so much better about life. then after an hour and a half we were frozen. went home, ate a lot of amazing food ,each had our own blankets, and watched what not to wear. perfect.
now we've got 2 snow days in a row, wild.
this morning kevin called me and woke me up and then picked me up early.
was at his house all day.
then later he surprised me with the melting pot
cause today is our six month anniversary. =]
and we were in our little private roomy thing and he gave me a rose.
not trying to sound like an asshole...but i love my boyfriend. <3
I'M STUPIDDDDDDDDD
ASSHOLE.
gahhh. why doesnt anyone fucking understand?
i just wanted to know the truth. i wasnt going to judge. i just wanted to know. youre supposed to tell your best friends.
you arent supposed to fucking lie to their faces.
WHY DOES NO ONE GET THISS FUCKKKK
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| fuck. |
[Monday
January 22nd, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
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You Won't Know [Brand New] |
] |
summing it all up here.
be prepared for a bitchy entry.
first i choose to sum up this fucking semester.
first period seems okay, just kind of boring right now. teacher doesnt seem to care what we really do. so whatever, that's not too bad.
second period is a bunch of tools. i hate markie, she is THE biggest two faced prick. im so pissed shes in that class. and coen seems like a perve. i pretty much forgot how to do homework considering i didnt have to fucking DO any last semester. and it looks like he gives a shit load of it. asshole.
third period looks like hell. i hate gym. class is pretty much a bunch of rats. i'm pretty much going to be sticking with nicki. i can't sit that long, i need a break in between.
D lunch. lame. everyone's in it. i have a feeling im gonna get real pissed real quick. no birds either, gahh.
math was like hell. hess is fucking insane. i thought she was supposed to be like, oblivious. instead she's fucking pyscho and gives us 843975 things to do, and we're all pissed. not to mention the fact that i absolutely suck at math and hate it even more. like shut upppp honestly i dont wanna do your shit load of stupid math homework. the people in that class are crazy, i hope we all revolt soon.
i didn't see kevin all day. this is not how i wanted to fucking spend this semester, last semester with my boyfriend. fucking great. no one understands how much i hate semester change. everything's always better the first semester. i miss it. i want it back. i hate change more than anything.
this whole day was just like hell, boring and lame. things better get better, real quick.
now i'm going to sum up my family, because im really sick of them lately.
my dad is such an asshole. everything has to be HIS WAY, like back when he was fucking twelve. guess what dad? times are a little different now. everything i say is apparently me back talking him, and treating him with no respect? what a bunch of bull shit. there is rarely a time where i talk to him without getting pissed, or crying, or getting in trouble. he says no to everything i ask, and he wonders why i hardly ever talk to him. he doesnt understand that if im having a bad day, to not act like a jackass. seeesshdbjgrjh
my mom is usually the mediator, the only normal person. sometimes my dad turns her into a bitch. shes like, "waghh no cause your dad said no and he'll be mad." wow big fucking surprise. he's always mad and he always says no. but at least shes pretty much on my side of things.
my brother is THE biggest jackass you will ever meet. he's thirteen, and he still acts like a four year old. like...he doesnt understand that when a couple is together, to LEAVE THEM ALONE. like are you stupid? its not that hard of a concept to grasp. he constantly acts like a 4 year old, like i said, to get his way. always in my face screaming or yelling, purposely pissing me off. he knows just how to do it, and he never fuckign quits. he needs to mature a little bit, i'm ready to suckerpunch him. and he tells on me for SWEARING? he'll use any lameass excuse possible to get in trouble. ktrk
kaitlin is just a brat. she gets her way all the time. and needs CONSTANT attention. i understand shes four turning five, and thats going to happen. but if shes not getting attention for like .01 seconds, shes fucking screaming, crying, or whining and never SHUTS UP. and when i tell her to, i get fucking yelled at. stuff usually gets taken out on me, but whatever. she needs to calm the hell down.
wow, this was long and unneccessary, but i felt like it.
well cue james to come down here screaming like an idiot.
cool.
im so fucking aggravated tjrekturyhfyj
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| three day weekends <3 |
[Monday
January 15th, 2007] |
|
this weekend was so good.
friday, went to tub's after school. talked about a lot of stuff. it made me sad but it was a good chat nonetheless.
then we went to waterworks to see STOMP THE YARDD =]
cows were there. attacking. and hairy monkeys. fucking zoo.
i love how obsessed they are with us.
it's pretty damn 8th grade, if you ask me.
the fact that devin is friends with them makes me want to slap her.
she knows that, im pretty sure.
but it was funny =]
I LOVE STOMP THE YARD. my nig jacket matched the crowd. it was amazing.
they were so uproarious, and emily thought michelle theirien ran down the stairs. HAHAAAA
the crowd was so devastated when chris died. and when that damn baby cried.
it was just so good.
then saturday kevin picked me up, i slept over.
it was so good, knowing i didn't have to leave. & falling asleep with him is the best thing everr. =]
then in the morning he made me chocolate chip pancakes & we watched lady and the tramp.
i wish i could do that every weekend, it was fabulous.
then he took me home, and tory picked me up & we went back to her house with becki & emily.
we heard some very...interesting things, to say the least.
i hope patrick ross burns in the pit of hell =]
then emily left...we wtached step up.
RIVERDANCING
and becki was screaming racial slurs for like a solid 45 minutes at least, i was pissing myself
HAHAA. now i am about to go to kevin's again.
this weekend was so good.
last weekend was scary. =[
i hated it. gahgdht.
i don't even like talking about it.
i get upset.
it freaks me out.
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| are you kidding me. |
[Thursday
January 4th, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Best Deceptions [Dashboard Confessional] |
] |
for some reason as soon as i got off the bus i was in a terrible mood.
or maybe it was 4th period. who knows. i feel like saying some things.
as soon as i think im okay with you again, im not. i always find something or see something that pisses me off. or upsets me.
everyone sees that you've changed. after all of us saying the same things over & over again, doesn't it sound farmiliar to you?
don't you see? apparently fucking not. youve replaced us with your new friends, who are possibly THE biggest assfuck's i have ever seen.
are. you. fucking. kidding me. you're disappointing me & you don't even know it.
i feel like im gonna fucking throwup any second now.
& i feel stupid.
and i am paranoid.
fuck you.
i use this thing more than a normal person should
oh well.
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| new years eve |
[Sunday
December 31st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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good |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Don't Tell Me It's Over [Blink-182] |
] |
hmm.
the list is done =]
i love the list. what makes 2006, 2006. the good, the bad, & the wallabees. HAAAA. it makes me & becki recall the wild moments we've had this year.
this year was definitely wild, to describe it. like that's honestly the best word.
becki & i recalled how stupid we were last year. it was kind of painful. but funny. i hate old me, it scares me. wtf was i ahaaaa gross. why weren't we slapped?
like at the beginning of the year...death drama. i think we've all figured out who our real friends are now. hopefully.
then the most amazing summer of my life. hoooboy. & this winter has been strangely almost normal. it's good.
i'll probably look back at this when its snowing & be like, shittt. good old days. because that's what we usually do.
tonight is our festivities. i don't want spray to come. gross. fucker. hopefully it will be a good time.
i kindof wanted to spend newyearseve with kevin, just because. it would have been nice. gahh.
byeeee 2006!
how crazy.
loveyou.
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| chrismukkah! =] |
[Sunday
December 24th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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good |
] |
hooo boy.
the other day was chrismukkah at tub's. hahaa!
i got there third, and tubmom took my present and hid it.
then we ate a wild dinner and becki spilled her drink all over the seat. it was a good video. the discovery of a mirror under tub's dining room table was made!
then we waited like faces for devin, & as soon as she got there RICHARD WAS SANTA!!!
WAHHAH and becki called him richard to his face. HAA oh my god. emily had me, yaya.
she got me a j.crew headband =] & a wild collage. and a raunchy game.
i'm just glad a certain person didn't have me baha.
then...the gingerbread massacre occured. it resulted in the drowning of a g.man, becki pissing her pants, & dancing vicoriously with the milk.
HAHA i love gingerbread cookie making.
then we were wild as usual and watched all the episodes of oc chrismukkah.
fabulous.
i love chrismukkah at tub's!
actually i just love christmas in general. it's the eve! =]
& iloveyouu.
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| so. |
[Thursday
December 7th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the best deceptions; dashboard confessional |
] |
so i made a new livejournal. but i decided i dont want it. im pissed at it. and this will do.
it's snowing =[. i hate fucking winter. last years winter was honestly a blur, i can't remember it.
like i remember some stuff...but mostly it just sucked ass. so i kind of want to make this winter not suck...
idk how. but okay. the people this year that matter to me the most are a lot better than last year. i want to fucking slap myself for how dumb i was last year, and all of that stupid, stupid drama. this week has been never-ending. i want it to be over, but i dont like when time moves fast. i dont make sense, i know. i hate change. a lot.
im gonna kill michelle for moving. fuck michigan, i hate people over there. pricks. this year my family wants to have christmas at some like building thing, and get it catered. im so fucking MAD. apparently there's "too many of us". whatever, fuck you. yeah theres a lot, but im pretty sure we've fit the last 478547 years in my grandmother's large house. makes sense. its fucking christmas. you dont spend it somewhere gay. and my grandmas like trying to bribe me into it with material shit. im soooo mad. so mad. it makes me wanna punch someone cause i love christmas. i feel like im really sucking at school lately & that i should be caring more?
dunno. i have a really bad stomachache right now. i wish i got more sleep. i feel bad because im really mean sometimes. so sorry for that. i just get tired and cranky. i still love you.
okay this was long?
yeah..
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| so. |
[Tuesday
November 28th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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turpentine chaser [dashboard confessional] |
] |
so. i'm in that kind of mood to update. i haven't really done it in awhile.
what's been going onnn.
fall play is over. it pretty much sucks ass.
i'm bored with out it, and it's gonna be terrible without the seniors next year =[[. even though it wasn't the same as last year, it was still good.
i'll miss it & everyone, like i always do.
michelle came too for five days. it was pretty damn good, considering i haven't seen her in four months. she shadowed me & becki.
it was swell. we caught up. because we hadn't talked in the past month or so all that much, because we were really busy.
the bus station fucking sucked. it was so depressing.
for some reason, it was like a million times harder this time to say goodbye.
sooo now we just had thanksgiving break.
it basically consisted of me hanging out with kevin.
it was pretty fabulous, actually =]. i won't lie, he puts me in pretty fabulous moods.
& he is the best.
slept over tory's with becki emily and devin.
it was wild.
secret santa was intense. i am scared for it.
i am in an aggravated mood today.
can't go to michigan for break, which fucking sucks. but i wouldn't wanna hang out with certain people there, even if we did get to go.
& i can't get rid of this fucking sickness i've had for like, over a month.
iwishiwasn'tsofullofdoubt.
yeahhh im pretty lame bye.
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| TCAP =] |
[Saturday
November 18th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
155 [+44] |
] |
GOERSS IS HEREEE =]
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thinkpink13's journal